Don't know why

Thursday, January 22nd 2009, 12.02 a.m.:

And to add insult to injury, I come home to a blog entry that was unpleasant to say the least.

If you want to hear my reply, this is it. I never made myself out as a victim. The few times I blogged, I was crying, and really struggling with myself. Many times all I could think about was, what's wrong with me? why can't I do anything right?

After a couple of times, I stopped. Whatever I do, it's never right. Whatever I say, everyone think it's a joke. Because I'm like, oh like, I don't know, a bimbo? Whatever you guys say, everything from something as small as font color to something big MY OPINION DOESN'T MATTER. I'm just a pink fluffy cloud standing next to you.

Tell me, after a couple of times in a group discussion being ignored or getting EVERY SINGLE ONE of your little suggestions slammed, would you jump for joy at the mention of another one?

Yes, I'm supposedly the designer. GUESS WHAT I TOOK THE JOB OF THE ENTIRE FUCKING WEBSITE AND WHEN IT WAS ALL DONE YOU GUYS HAD TO DESTROY IT INTO SOME HORRENDOUS THING. Everyone liked it. The teacher liked it. But NOOOOO, it wasn't good enough for wonderful, smart people like you.

And oh please, teaching my boyfriend how to use Excel is like teaching your grandmother how to cook rice. So for God's sake, stop looking down on people! What is wrong with you guys?

It's so weird, you're in mass comm, I'm in mass comm but nooooo you're smart and I'm stooppid.

And really, stop saying you're there for me because you're all words and no action. I'm tired of hearing it, okay? You say it to like, 5 million people a day.

You lost faith in me? I lost faith in you much earlier.

Thank you, Flora, you were the last nail in that coffin to what a shithole I was stuck in.

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I don't know why, but at the time, when I wrote it, sensibility was asking me to NOOOO DON'T DO IT DON'T PUBLISH IT but I'm really tired. I'm used to labels, judgement, and all that stereotypical bullshit. But I'm not one to lie down and let you step all over because that's stupid. And if you're wondering why I put her name there, well, she was being immature first - she did it. Don't give me all the 'don't stoop to her level' nonsense, if I want to say something and get it off my chest, I will.

Things I say might not be popular, but at least I have a voice.

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